Simplifying, Prioritizing, and Flourishing Part 1

    A week ago I had to stand in front of over a hundred people and admit that I couldn't do something. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm no super-woman. I know that. However I get myself into rather sticky situations because I can't do one very simple thing: I can't say "no." I'm not sure when it started, I mean I am sure there must have been a time when I was comfortable denying someone something, or at least not offering myself up to someone when they hadn't even asked anything of me. I'm afraid I am a chronic pleaser. 

    I feel like, after 24 years of life, and after "knowing" this about myself for so long I would have figured out a way of controlling my "oh, no worries," "oh, yes I can definitely do that," "yes," "yup," and "for sure" phrases that all-too-often pass through my lips. But it's only recently that I have realized that it is, in fact, a real problem. I think I can thank little Elijah boy for this one. He's someone I actually can't say no to. He actually needs me. Everyone else, they don't actually need me. They don't need my time, my effort, my ears. They will be ok if I say no. I should also probably note that "everyone" doesn't include my husband. He needs me, too. 

    So without getting too self-helpy, I just wanted to outline a few things I have been learning over the past few months as I have been transitioning into a life of motherhood, and have been processing organizing my life, plucking out the things that don't matter so much, setting up boundaries around myself and my family, and all around simplifying (or trying) my life. DO NOT think that I have arrived at these! I'm on a journey, just like all of us. These are my goals; my hopes.

1. Stop being a yes woman. 
  This, as I talked about above, is a HUGE issue for me. I realized the other day that my thought process reacts like this when someone tells me about an obstacle or problem they are facing: How can I fix this for them? Am I able to run that errand for them? Can I do something to make it easier? If there is no one else to do it, then I should do it. They seem really tired so I should do/fix this for them. They seem like they are having a really hard time I should take them out for coffee and talk about it. 
   ***Let me clarify that none of these are bad thoughts... in moderation. But moderation was not something I was practising. We all have 24 hours in a day, and I wasn't really thinking about how mine were being spent. 
   So I have been trying to use the phrase "Oh, that's too bad" or a version of it, and then stopping there. Not offering anything beyond that. It does not make me a jerk, nor does it make in insincere. It makes me balanced, and it keeps me from offering of myself when I have nothing free to give. The biggest problem with being a "yes woman" is that someone always suffers when you over commit. Whether it is your family, yourself, or the person who is counting on you and then is disappointed when you aren't able to really help them out since you are helping out 12 other people at the same time. 

2. WRITE DOWN your priorities. 
   Get some paper (remember what that is? We used it before computers and smartphones), make a list of the priorities in your life. Now put little stars or dots or something next to the things that will be your priorities for the next 10 years or longer. Then put the number of months or years next to the temporary priorities. For instance, your family would get a star. Your mortgage gets a star. Your yoga class probably will get a few months, maybe a year. Your health however is a long term priority. Your position as a volunteer sunday school teacher should only have the number of months you have committed to. You can extend it later, if you want, but for now just write down the time you are actually committed to. Put your list in an obvious place where you will see it often(The bathroom mirror? Inside the door of the coffee cupboard?) This is really just a visual reminder of what is actually important to you, at this stage of your life. The stars (or whatever) are to remind you that those things are LONG TERM. Some of them are life term, even. So don't put those things on the back burner, because the consequences of ignoring those priorities are the most detrimental. Those are the things you will regret letting slide. 
    Also, use the list to keep tabs on how much you are "prioritizing." You've only got so much time in a day  (I am talking to the mirror here). 

3. Chuck it out. 
   There is a lot of truth in the saying "cluttered home, cluttered mind," at least for me. I know I am more productive, more inspired, and just more happy when my house is on the tidier side. As I have been learning again and again, the more stuff you have, the more time it take to upkeep it all. Whether its piles of papers that need sorting, boxes of "projects" you will one day get to, or shelves of trinkets you just shouldn't throw away because X gave them to you. Chuck. It. Out.
  Same goes for commitments. If they are not adding to your life, they shouldn't be there. By adding, I mean adding something positive, like joy. Or education. Or if it's a job you don't really like but it is necessary, it's probably providing you with the money to eat and have a home, which are positive things.

I'll be back later with a few more tips and thoughts on the subject, but for now I am going to go spend some time with my two main men! Blessings, feel free to comment!

 Jordan